Sunday, February 14, 2010

Marital Definitions

BACHELOR:

A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

BRIDE:

A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE:

An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT:

A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN:

A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.

HOUSEWORK:

What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.

HUSBAND:

A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT:

A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE:

An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MISS:

A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

MISTRESS:

Something between a mister and a mattress.

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

SPOUSE:

Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.

WIFE:

A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet

Happy Valentine's Day!

5 comments:

Cinde said...

Thanks for stopping by my Freebie Fairy blog for Friday follow (I already follow you!)

Xmas Dolly said...

Stopping by to say hello as soon as I stop laughing.

Melissa said...

he he he...I am now following you too! Thanks for stopping by!

Xmas Dolly said...

Thanks for stopping by! Your always welcome to come over and browse around. Have a great weekend.

Joyful said...

I must say I suppose I truly am a wife. I have 2 closets with clothes, yet I don't have a thing to wear. :)