Parting

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.

The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."

"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"

"It's called the door!"

Human Resources Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Every month we get a Human Resources report on terminations. When they are asked to put a reason why they were terminated, the reasons vary from resigned, got a better job, getting married, moving, sexual misconduct, etc. What I've found is that there isn't a standard list. So, I decided to come up with one based on Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

In order to standardize our Human Resources forms we now use just 7 reasons for termination:

Happy: Had trouble putting nose to the grindstone. Too much time spent telling jokes at the water cooler.

Doc: Left to pursue further schooling, in particular, Ph.D. work.

Sleepy: Chronically late for work. Caused many project delays.

Grumpy: Poor attitude toward work. Not a team player. Trouble with early mornings.

Dopey: Made several critical errors at work costing the company money, e.g., misappropriated company funds.

Sneezy: Recurrent, chronic illness has made it difficult for the employee to complete work in a timely fashion.

Bashful: Lack of initiative. Not willing to make cold calls. Too often let workplace disagreements simmer.

OTHERS

Jealous Queen: Heavy involvement in the occult not congruent with organizational policies.

Snow White: Sexual misconduct, e.g., kissing strange men while under some kind of trance.

Huntsman: Couldn't stand to be cooped up in the office all day. Pursuing work with the National Forest Service.